For God’s Sake Archive

Do you have friends on social media who forward “fun” online surveys to their entire friend list? The surveys ask things like, “List the states you have visited” or “Which of the following have you done: Skydive? Gotten a tattoo? Rode a motorcycle?”

I am basically inept when it comes to home repairs. Admitting it has kept me out of the emergency room and has, on occasion, paid some tradesman’s mortgage.

One time, I tried to change out an exhaust fan in a bathroom. An easy job, right? I was glad that I had read the instructions because I learned to shut off the circuit breaker to avoid electrocution.

I am a coffee snob, I admit it, I like coffee! I like the smell of coffee. I like the taste of coffee. I like sitting in a coffeeshop with a good cup of coffee chatting with a friend, or just watching the world go by. So, I was disappointed to discover that there is no Starbucks or Caribou Coffee or any other familiar coffee chain represented in Navarre.

If you own a PC computer, it’s likely you’ve received that phone call claiming to be from Microsoft informing you that they have detected a problem with your Windows. Can I get a witness? The caller is a scammer hoping to gain access to your computer so he can steal everything from you – including your identity. My wife has a very creative way of dealing with these calls: play stupid.

Sunday, May 12, is Mother’s Day, the day that churches reintroduce mothers to the “Proverbs 31 Woman.” Many mothers dread hearing yet again about this Old Testament Martha Stewart; who can measure up? If she were alive today, they would unfriend her on Facebook for her endless postings of her DIY projects and fun recipes.

The National Day of Prayer was established in 1952 when President Harry Truman signed a bill into law saying that the president should declare one day a year a National Day of Prayer.

Back in the mid-1970s, I had an after-school job driving a delivery van for a small furniture store in my hometown. One of my co-workers was a man named Cliff, a conservative Christian. Since I was not yet one myself, I found Cliff to be a really, nice guy with some odd ideas.

We’ve all heard of the two certainties in life, death and taxes. You only die once, but April 15 comes around every year! I don’t know anyone who enjoys paying income taxes. We do whatever we can to pay as little as possible. Humorist, Will Rogers, quipped, “The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.” The Jews in Jesus’ day cared even less for taxes; they were paid to Rome and were a bitter reminder of their subjugation.

Last Monday was April Fools’ Day. The origin of this odd observance is disputed, but I’d like to thank whoever invented it. I celebrated April Fools’ Day religiously as a kid. What other day of the year could you get away with playing a prank on somebody simply by shouting, “April Fools’!” April 1, 1971, the year Canada began switching over to the metric system, a call-in show on a local AM radio station reported, in compliance with the new system of measure, they would now be giving the time in metric. They said something like, “The current time is 10.25 metric.” The phone lines lit up with angry Canadians! At the end of the three metric-hour show, the hosts shouted, “April Fools’!” and explained that it was all a prank.

I’m a Canadian. Yes, I say “eh?” at the end of sentences, well, at least I used to. Growing up in Canada, I’d always thought that it was you Americans who had the accent. It wasn’t until I moved to Florida that I learned that it was me. People would stop me mid-sentence, ask me to repeat myself, then laugh at my accent. I quickly realized that life in Florida would go much easier for me if I lost the accent and the “eh?” with it.